


aesthetic

by catspajama_llamas



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Bananas, Crack Fic, M/M, Masturbation, bless pepe saiko, hori makes an appearance, memories of shuu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-29
Updated: 2015-04-29
Packaged: 2018-03-26 07:56:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3843025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catspajama_llamas/pseuds/catspajama_llamas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Saiko only wants to cheer up her maman.</p><p>(a crack fic making light of a heavier situation)</p>
            </blockquote>





	aesthetic

Saiko had noticed that Haise had been out of sorts for days. She meant like, he normally hid his mopey attitudes from them all but man.. like these past few days were just like nope. She normally kept a cool, apathetic attitude towards anything not involving her, but this was her maman and she wanted to help him cheer up a bit.

 

//A WEEK LATER//

 

“Maman, come here, I have something for you,” Saiko called out to Haise while cocooned in her nest of blankets on the couch, deciding that lazing on the couch was her new way of being sociable. Haise was near her on their armchair, reading a book. “What is it?” he asked, putting his book down and lowering his glasses. 

“Well come OVER HERE, Maman, I don’t wanna get up!” 

“Alright, fine, fine.”

Haise walked over to where Saiko lay buried in her pile of blankets. Out from her quilted kingdom she pulled out a present. It was a rather rectangular looking box, wrapped in wrapping paper designed with hundreds of smiley faces, topped with a nice yellow ribbon. Haise was shocked at the care put into wrapping it- _Mutsuki must have done it_ , he thought to himself. “OPEN IT, MAMAN!” Saikko nearly shrieked, although she was much too lazy to really raise her voice to that much of a yell. Haise chuckled, consoling her, rather happy and a little excited to see what was inside. It wasn’t his birthday, and there had been no real special occasion for a present, he reflected, as he carefully took the ribbon off and started to unwrap the package. 

“You’ve been a real downer to look at for the past few weeks, and I was getting sick of it, so I wanted to cheer you up,” Saiko grunted, nearly returning to her fortress of fleece, but being too excited to see Haise’s reaction. He was getting excited now as well, as he finished taking off the wrapping paper and saw the box. A big banana was printed on the box. It smiled up at him as he read what was printed on the sides. “ _I find you a-peeling!_ ”

“That’s pretty cute, Saiko!” Haise chuckled, amused at the pun. He proceeded to open the box. Saiko nearly jumped out of her blanket igloo to see his reaction, a big smile spreading across her face.

Haise opened the lid.

Inside was a big, very huge, banana shaped dildo, complete with a big, very huge, smiling face like the box had printed on it. 

Haise stood very still for a moment, a shocked smile of disbelief frozen on his face as all noise vacated the room.

Saiko exploded into laughter as Haise shrieked in embarrassment.

“SAIKO, WHAT THE FUCK, HOW COULD YOU?!?!?!?” he screamed at the top of his lungs, his face going 50 shades of brick red.

“I KNEW YOU’D LIKE IT, MAMAN” Saiko cackled, kicking her blankets aside and rolling straight off the couch and onto the floor in her hysterical outburst. “I BET YOU’LL GET A LOT OF USE OUT OF IT TOO, HAVE FUN!!” she burst out amongst her laughter as Haise stormed towards his room. 

“FUCK YOU, SAIKO, I’M THROWING THIS AWAY AS SOON AS I CAN,” Haise bellowed, rubbing his chin furiously as his face flushed even deeper than Kafka’s deepest musings on life, banging his door shut. Saiko grew into even greater hysterics.

Haise threw the banana dildo onto his bed, collapsing on his floor in a fit of rage. Also tears, because goddamnit, Saiko was perceptive as fuck. Had he really been that obvious? He stewed in his rage, sadness, sexual frustration, and embarrassment as he waited to hear the sound of Saiko leaving the house, her being the only Quinx home at the moment. 

Because goddamnit, he REALLY wanted to use it, which only made him angrier. 

The second he heard Saiko halfheartedly close the door (still in a fit of giggles), he snapped off the floor to inspect the well-intentioned present. He took the banana dildo out of the box and flushed in embarrassment at its smiling face as he heard something drop out of the box. He stooped to the floor to see what had fallen.

It was banana-scented lube.

“GODDAMNIT, SAIKO!!!”

but alas, it didn’t stop him from fucking himself on it.

He jumped onto the bed, ripping his clothes off as fast he could, prepping himself and pumping his cock simultaneously. If he weren’t in such a haze, he’d notice the small button on the base of the dildo, but alas, he didn’t.

He’d also notice that the door sounded, announcing Saiko’s quick return from the mailbox. 

but alas.

Haise moaned as loud as he could, being shameless in both his vocal volume as well as his ministrations, his mind going a mile a minute with erotic thoughts of..? Who was this man, he agonized over for the millionth time. He could never make out his face in these dreams, fantasies, frequent thoughts he had of the mysterious stranger. It was hell only vaguely remembering this person, because he had not even the slightest idea of who he was, but yet his mind would never let him escape his image. The only recollections he had of the man were the faintest shades of lovely violet fading into turquoise, of garnet-touched irises and gentle caresses of lilac and lavender, languid kisses melting into something more subtle and yet so much more passionate. The weakest memory of a melodious voice whispering into his ear, filled with devotion and adoration that most could only hope for in life. Of flowers, of thorns, daggers, confidence and extravagance veiling vulnerability and utmost love. The thought surfaced that it was all for the person he had been before, for that godforsaken monster who never left him alone, but could never be for the person he thought himself to be now. Who even was he, to begin with?

He realized, as he fucked himself on the huge, smiling banana dildo, that it was not the banana he craved, but the baguette he craved.

“T………..TRES… .B… .IEN!!!!!!” Haise screamed out for no particular reason as he cummed with the banana shoved up his ass. Hell, he didn’t even speak French. 

Unfortunately, this outburst wasn’t missed by Saiko, who happened to be passing by Haise’s door. She heard him start sobbing, as simultaneously she heard the banana dildo singsong shrilly, “ _I FIND YOU A-PEELING, HEEHEEHEE!!_ ”. Apparently he had accidentally found the button on the base of the dildo, which was made obvious by the loud gasp she heard, continued by even louder sobs.

“tfw no gay french bf,” Saiko mumbled, popping up the hood of her newly-arrived Pepe the Frog kigurumi as she slinked back to her room.

 

Outside of Haise’s window, a camera clicked. “Aesthetic”, Hori whispered, wide-eyed. Of course, she was referring to the now discarded, but still smiling, banana dildo.

**Author's Note:**

> to clarify: Haise threw it out his window, which Hori then found while passing by.


End file.
